Trigger Warming: this is a poem about abortion. You can read my story here.

Death before Birth

I was just sixteen

when something really strange

happened to me;

my body,

there was something

new about it...


Sometimes you should be bleeding,

other times you should not.

This time, I should've been bleeding

– but I wasn't!


There suddenly was a child in me,

the doctor said

about six weeks old,

and I had to make a decision:

death before birth,

or birth defore death?


It wasn't my life,

so hard to decide.

Had it been mine,

I'd sure chosen death,

but it wasn't.


My life never made any sense to me,

but the child, it gave one.

The only human

needing me,

wanting me

and my damned tenderness.


It felt the warmth of my body,

it felt 'kind of love for my body.


But I was just sixteen,

and I should've been bleeding.

Everybody said:

throw it away,

this heap of bullshit,

it doesn't feel!


But I felt twice;

a human in me,

sleeping so sweetly and waiting for birth.


And I should decide:

death before birth,

or birth before death?


Should I break with nature,

roughly awaking my honey from sleep,

tearing someone apart

who ain't even able to cry?


Sometimes you should be bleeding,

other times you should not.

This time I wasn't bleeding

– but I should've been.


***************************


I decided to break with myself,

to throw it away

this little life,

which finally gave a sense to mine.


They took my blood,

they gave me drugs,

to take it away

while I was sleeping.


I wasn't conscious,

but I felt twice

and noticed what happened.


When I awoke,

there was nothing no more.

They took my problems away from me,

and also the sense of my life.


I felt that I was bleeding,

now everythig was okay.


Sometimes you should be bleeding,

other times you should not.

This time I should've been bleeding

– and now I really was!

But maybe this time,

I didn't want to...