Don't let anger rule your heart

July 2012

Dear Child, why are you frightened when you should be angry?! Why does another person's wrath make you feel like you want to run and hide? Why does manipulation intimidate you into saying yes when you want to say no? Have you not been given a mouth to speak? Have you not been given hands and face and body to express your disagreement? What do you fear would happen if you stood up for yourself?

Know now that no one can harm and strip you of your dignity, for you are divine like me. What happens when you accept another's ill treatment of yourself as just, make their aggression against you yours, is this: you turn it inwards, harm yourself and hurt your soul, aggression internalised becomes depression, depression becomes fear, fear attracts more ill experience, erodes your self-esteem from inside out. It's not the other undermining you, it is you relinquishing your dignity by holding still instead of fighting back.

And why is it that you don't fight back? Is it because you have been taught that peace is the way, that disagreement is inappropriate to peace, dismay not a peaceful person's way? Yet can there be peace if inside you seethe? The objective surely is to clear yourself of all that is other than peaceful. And how do you clear that which inwardly pollutes your soul? You express it, roar and let it out, there is no other way! Anger unexpressed is no less angry, hurt unsaid brings no less pain, rage untold no less destruction, justice undemanded leads to no less corruption.

And yes, justice needn't be a higher cause, a common good, justice can mean asserting your right not be short-changed, not to be dismissed, not to be patronised or humiliated. Yet justice for the self, it seems an alien concept in this world. Almost a contradiction in terms. But again there can be no peace while people allow themselves to be exploited and abused. They may be silent, but inside their hearts there is but war.

What happens when you let your anger out? You may get anger back, that's true, but then there will come a point when all of it 's been said and heard. That is when anger's purpose ends. It has caused all the change it could, expended all momentum that it held and becomes redundant, evaporates, fades. That is when peace can be. That is the time when all that needed out is gone, creating a hushful space for rest and contentment.

Containing your anger will in no way further peace! It will just keep stashed the pockets of bitterness and resentment in your soul. Outwardly there is no sign of it, yet it builds up and rules inside, gives rise to illness and disease bursting into manifestation when it can no longer be contained.

Anger needs to be expressed as and when it arises, and this needn't be in a destructive and violent way. In truth it is the weak hearts that express their anger in that way. No, if you respect yourself and know you are worth being treated with respect you will be able to just state your dislike of something or someone, without attachment, without judgement, just as a fact, get it out of your system and move on.

But first you have to learn to stop people pleasing, being what people might consider "pleasant" because you think it will buy you love – it won't! Pleasantry also may not serve the other person's highest good. You cannot do any damage by showing your true face, your true feelings, and if those feelings include dismay, then so be it. Hiding behind a façade of pleasantness just for fear of abandonment and social sanction will never gain you true love, it may gain you acceptance, but at what price? Deep down inside you will always have to doubt if people really like you, or if they just like the fake-image of yourself you project.

Better to wipe the slate clean occasionally with a sound expression of disagreement.

Be incandescent – give anger no domain!